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Holly’s Inbox

  • Meet Holly Denham. It’s her first day as a receptionist at a City investment bank and, with no corporate front-of-house experience, Holly is struggling to keep up. Add to this her mad friends, dysfunctional family and gossipy colleagues, and Holly’s inbox is a daily source of drama, laughter, scandal and even romance. But Holly’s been keeping a secret from everyone – and the past is about to catch up with her…

  • Promo

    MONTH 1

    WEEK1

    MONDAY
    Subject: New Job
    From Mum and Dad
    To Holly

    Holly

    Exciting news about the job, are you enjoying it? Your sister has a parcel (books or something) that needs bringing out with you, when you come to see us. Alice says it's very important and “Ferret”, a friend of hers, is passing by Maida Vale next week to drop it off. Love Mum

    P.S. Send us your flight details!

    From Holly
    To Mum and Dad

    Job - I don't know yet, only been here an hour, very busy. Ferret - what? How does anyone get to make a friend called Ferret? Parcel - no problem, as long as it's not too heavy.

    xxxx

    Subject: Welcome
    From Roger Lipton
    To Holly

    Dear Holly

    Glad to have you on board.

    I hear everything went well with your induction on Friday and you are now familiarising yourself with our systems and policies. It's a shame the reception area is so separated from the rest of us here, but you know where we are if you need anything. I hope you'll be very happy here.

    Roger Lipton, Director of Human Resources, H&W, High Holborn WC2 6NP

    From Mum and Dad

    To Holly

    Thank you for your email. I'm sure I'll be very happy, everyone has been so welcoming.

    Kindest regards

    Holly

    Receptionist, H&W, High Holborn WC2 6NP

    Subject: Reception Experience
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Holly

    I told them to get me a receptionist I could work with, like the one I had before with lots of experience. Not having a go at you on your first day, but I feel like giving up I really do. Where've you worked again?

    Trish

    Patricia Gillot, Senior Receptionist, H&W, Holborn WC2 6NP

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Hi Patricia

    In 5* Hotels - on reception.

    Holly

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Great.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    It was really busy there.

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    That's nice for you darlin. Just keep grinning at people for today and I'll do the rest. Hopefully by the end of the month you might know your arse from your elbow.

    Trish

    PS Stop trying to talk to me, this is a corporate bank. If you wanted to natter you should've taken a job in a salon. Email me when you have a problem.

    Subject: A good luck message
    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Holls

    Glad things are going so well again. It sounds wonderful there and you've got yourself a new start. Just what you wanted.

    Love

    Alice & Matt

    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    I hate the job and everyone's awful.

    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Oh dear, by the way thanks for agreeing to bring out our parcel, it's really nice of you.

    xxxxxx

    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    No problem, what's in it?

    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Oh, nothing, just a box of essentials.

    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    What - books and things?

    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Yes, all that. I've given Ferret your number.

    xxx

    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    Oh good

    TUESDAY
    Subject: A little advice from your Mum
    From Mum and Dad
    To Holly

    Holly

    Sorry to bother you again dear. Glad to hear you bumped into Jennie from school, you were always very fond of her, sounds like she's doing so well there. I've given it some thought and the only way you're going to get as far as she has done, is by using any contacts you come across. My advice is; take her out for lunch as fast as possible. You never know what doors she could open for you.

    What are doing there at the moment again, PA work?

    Mum xxx

    From Holly
    To Mum and Dad

    Mum

    Jennie has been nice on the couple of occasions I've seen her, but I'm fine doing what I'm doing, which is RECEPTION work.

    x

    Holly

    From Mum and Dad
    To Holly

    That's what I said darling, it's the same thing.

    Just make sure you eat properly, especially if you're going to be greeting all those people, you could pick up an infection from one of them.

    Mum

    Subject: A few pointers
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Stop standing up when people come to the desk!

    I'm off for a fag, I'll be on the other side of the glass doors and I'll be keeping an eye on you.

    Got any problems - don't shout whatever you do, just think you're working in a library and you'll be halfway there.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    OK Patricia, what time are toilet breaks?

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Any time you can't hold on darlin - also it's just Trish, no one calls me Patricia

    Subject: Extreme Weight Busters
    From ExtremeWeightBusters.com
    To Holly

    Course chosen: Standard

    Thank you for registering for a free trial as a member of WeightBusters.com.

    You will now receive all our special messages of encouragement and daily dieting advice. Remember our methods are extreme, but we believe psychology to be the grounding in losing weight.

    So come on, let's beat this together!

    Your membership number is 7980

    Your password is TOOLARGE996

    Subject: School Friend!!!

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Hi Holly

    You went off the map for a few years? Where've you been?? So glad you're working here, sorry about the misunderstanding yesterday. I should have told you what Mr. Huerst looked like, lucky he was so forgiving even when you told him he needed an appointment.

    Jennie

    Jennie Pithwait, Associate, Corporate Finance, H&W, High Holborn WC2 6NP

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Hi Jennie

    I felt like a real idiot, I even chased after him with his security pass

    Holly

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    He was fine, I said it was your first day.

    What's it like sitting with Trisha?

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Awful, rude, I can't stand her.

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Tough old girl, probably doesn't get laid much, great with clients but that's about it.

    Jennie

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    xxxx

    Thanks Jennie

    Subject: Pretty P'Holly
    From Jason Granger RM
    To Holly

    Hiya,

    How's the job going? Is it OK to email you?

    Jason Granger, Reception Team Leader, LHS Hotels, London, W1V 6TT

    From Holly
    To Jason Granger RM

    Emailing is good, the job stinks and I'm about to take a contract out, on my mum.

    How are you?

    xx

    From Jason Granger RM
    To Holly

    I'm good.

    Talking of stinky, guess what smelly celeb we've got staying here?

    From Holly
    To Jason Granger RM

    Smelly?

    From Jason Granger RM
    To Holly

    Housekeeping told me she's got a few personal hygiene problems. Who cares though - she's famous!!!

    From Holly
    To Jason Granger RM

    That makes it OK then, does it?

    From Jason Granger RM
    To Holly

    Of course. You don't like her though (she's a bit of a marriage breaker) - can't tell you who it is. If you were still working here I could, but I can't, it's a trust thing.

    Enjoy your nasty bank.

    From Holly
    To Jason Granger RM

    JASON!!!!

    Subject: Totty
    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Morning. Let me know if any hot guys are coming up so I can look out for them.

    Jen

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Will do.

    Holly

    WEDNESDAY
    Subject: Ferret
    From Ferret
    To Holly

    Hi Hollsie

    Ferret here. Alice gave me your email.

    I've managed to get hold of more than she wanted, just make sure you keep it in the freezer until you go. Chairman Mow once said "Feel the rhythm"

    Subject: Bit slow
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Holly

    Speed it up a bit darlin. By now you should be getting two badges printed off, while calling the host to let them know their guests have arrived.

    It's all got to happen at once, otherwise the place'll start looking like Piccadilly station with nowhere for people to sit.

    Sorry to hassle you, but you're not picking things up fast enough.

    Trish

    Subject: Parcel
    From Holly
    To Ferret

    Freezer? I don't understand?

    Subject: Totty
    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Thanks for the heads-up on that one. Not strictly my usual type, I do like them a little taller, without the lurch, corduroys, rotting teeth and the smell. Jen

    Ps I’ll get you back!

    From Holy
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Ooops sorry (I didn't actually think he was that bad).

    xx

    Holly

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Oh and to answer your question earlier, there's nothing worth chasing here and be careful about dumping on your own doorstep.

    So come on then, give me some gossip, what's Holly been doing since school, I want to know everything. I heard you got yourself engaged, or married?

    Jen

    From Holy
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Nope, never married, love life's been much of a non-event. What about you?

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    The odd one or two, quality guys, all prime beef.

    xx

    From Holy
    To Jennie Pithwait

    You lucky thing!

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Let's meet up for lunch, I'll give you a complete tourist guide, call you later.

    From Holy
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Thanks.

    Holls

    Subject: Hi Jason - I'm worried - it's Holly
    From Holly
    To Jason GrangerRM

    Jennie's asking questions.

    Holly

    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    Just keep your cool, and keep yourself to yourself (well as much as you can on a main reception).

    xxx

    I'll call tonight

    Subject: Shella Hamilton-Jones - PA to Jane Jenkins
    From Shella Hamilton-Jones
    To Holly

    Dear Holly

    From looking at the schedule I can see you have booked meeting room 7 on Friday for Jane Jenkins. As you are aware from my previous call, this meeting is very important and Jane's preference is always ROOM 12.

    I understand you are new here and it's difficult to begin with until you get your bearings; however, you should know Jane Jenkins has priority over other staff. Please would you secure this room ASAP and then email me a confirmation when you have achieved this. You could also make a note that Jane Jenkins always has this room in future.

    Yours sincerely

    Shella Hamilton-Jones, PA to Jane Jenkins, MD Corporate Finance H&W. High Holborn WC2 6NP

    Subject: Extreme Weight Busters
    From ExtremeWeightBusters.com
    To Holly

    Remember the old equation: Overeating = Overweight = No Friends or Partner.

    Today's menu:

    Breakfast - Dry toast and Tea

    Lunch - Low Fat Natural Yogurt and Fruit Salad

    Dinner - Sushi & Green Leaf Salad

    Night Snack – Salad

    THURSDAY
    Subject: Ferret
    From Holly
    To Ferret

    Ferret,

    You haven't replied to me... You told me to put it in the freezer, why the freezer???

    Holly

    Subject: To Shella - Re Your Meeting Room Request
    From Holly
    To Shella Hamilton-Jones

    Dear Shella

    I can only apologise for not booking meeting room 12 for you. I will make a note of Jane Jenkins' preference for the future, and move James Lawrence's meeting now. Yours sincerely

    Holly

    Subject: Important update
    From Mum and Dad
    To Holly

    Holly

    I've set your granny up on a laptop, so she can email you. I think she's settling into the old people's home just fine.

    love Mum

    From Holly
    To Mum and Dad

    Oh good, but I didn't think Granny liked it out there?

    Holly

    From Mum and Dad
    To Holly

    Holly

    She misses the rain, but apart from that she seems very happy.

    Love Mum

    Subject: Ordering Duty Free?
    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    Alice

    I've left two messages on your phone, I want to know what's in that parcel - if it's drugs you can forget it!?

    Holly

    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Hi Holly

    Don't be so crazy, what kind of sister do you think I am? I wouldn't ask you to bring drugs out???? GOD NO!! No, these are just your common or garden rats.

    Love you.

    Alice xx

    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    What???????

    Subject: Alteration to my meeting
    From James Lawrence
    To Holly

    Dear Holly

    Just received your voicemail. I understand re: change in the meeting, no problem at all and sorry I haven't stopped to introduce myself, it's been a hectic few days up here.

    Regards

    James

    PS You sounded shaken, don't let people get you down, people just get stressed here sometimes.

    James Lawrence, VP Corporate Finance, H&W, High Holborn WC2 6NP

    From Holly
    To James Lawrence

    Dear James

    Thanks for that, it's kind of you. Have a fab day.

    Holly

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Who's James Lawrence? He's good-looking and seems really sweet.

    Holly

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Rumour has it, he's after half the girls in the company - so if your idea of sweet is a dose of crabs, then yes, I guess he's a real sweetie.

    Jennie

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    That's a shame. Oh well, have a good night.

    Holly

    FRIDAY
    Subject: Rats
    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    Alice

    When I said, “What?” that meant - what, are you crazy??? Rats?? Email me back or forget it!

    Subject: Only just saw your reply
    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Sorry Holly,

    I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry about them. They're rats but English ones, and you won't have to touch them, they're all sealed up

    xxx

    Alice

    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    Oh, thank God they're English rats, they'll be so much more refined???

    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Don't tell Mum, you know how squeamish she is with these things. We need to bring some rats into the country for the pythons to eat. Here they cost 10Euros each, it's not economical and the quality is poor.

    Alice

    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    So these are quality-rats, that is good.

    NO. I'M NOT DOING IT!!!

    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    If we don't feed them, the pythons will Die, AND Matt will be devastated. There's nothing to worry about, they're not alive...?

    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    They're not alive, oh that's fine then - so you want me to fill my case with DEAD rats? Fab, I'll just re-arrange my packing; tuck them between my swimming cozzie and my knickers?

    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Please give it some thought. Remember breeding snakes is our only source of income.

    Love Alice

    xx

    Subject: It's going to be a mad day - from Trish
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    ... so get that smile ready, girl!

    Subject: Help! - Aisha needs Holly
    From Aisha
    To Holly

    Hols

    Still not recovered from last weekend, think I ate something bad, feel terrrrrrrrrible. Tell me something nice pleassssse Hols, I'm really depressed.

    Xxxxxxx;

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    You didn't eat anything bad, it was the bottle of vodka you drank - where was Shona?

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    Mum's looking after her.

    x

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Come on sweetie, get yourself together, you said you'd look for a job this week?

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    I went out last night but I wasn't feeling good when I left the house, felt really weak. Also I'm worried about Henry, I texted him an hour ago and he still hasn't texted back.

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    He's probably just busy, when someone's at work (try and picture this) - they don't have time to check their phone every 5 mins to see if they've been texted.

    From what I've heard working in Production can take you all over the place, he could be outside. Stop worrying!

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    He's not in Production.

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Yes he is, you told me he was in TV Production.

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    That's Jimmy.

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    So who's Henry?

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    Henry is the guy I was with on Saturday.

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    So who's Jimmy?

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    He's the one in Production.

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    I know he's in Production, I mean who is he to you?

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    He's with me too. Look, you're not making me feel any better

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Good, so you shouldn't. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a job.

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    Can I come over and stay next weekend? Let's have the whole weekend in, no drinks, no partying???

    xxxx

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Of course, although I might have someone called “Ferret” popping in, not sure.

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    Is he sexy?

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Goodbye.

    Subject: You've got to keep an eye on people who are waiting!
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    I'm sure that bloke with the yellow tie has been sitting there for 10 mins???

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    He has, I've tried calling them upstairs three times, but can't get through to them. Sorry, I didn't know what to do.

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Then ASK, you need to go up and look for the host because the meeting could've started already without this one.

    Come on Holly, use your noddle.

    Subject: Pics
    From Jason
    To Holly

    Remember to ask the other receptionist for the directory of senior staff. Then you can take it home over the weekend and learn what they look like (hopefully they'll have pictures). Otherwise next week it could be the other founding partner you ask to sign in.

    From Holly
    To Jason

    I hope not, he's dead.

    But thanks, I'll ask her about the directory at the end of the day.

    Subject: You owe me
    From Holly
    To Alice and Matt

    OK, I'll do it, presumably it's legal?

    From Alice and Matt
    To Holly

    Oh, you're the best!!

    xxx

    I'll remember this, thanks lots

    WEEK 2

    MONDAY
    Subject: I got a right ear bashing off them upstairs!
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Because they want two receptionists on the desk when it's busy, lunch times usually. I'll go through it with you once we get some peace. They're doing my head in. So, one of us needs to go before the 12pm slot and one after the 2pm slot.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Sorry Trish, I didn't know. I'll be careful. I can go to lunch whenever you want.

    Subject: Shootings
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    All these shootings, it gets worse every day. Even my youngest one says most of his classmates take weapons with them to school. It really gets to me.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    How scary!! That's awful.

    Subject: Terrible news!
    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    Britney's had her hair cut off!!!!!

    From Holly
    To Jason GrangerRM

    Yes Jason, thanks for the news alert, keeping me up to date with current affairs.

    xx

    Subject: Lunch
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    I have to be somewhere at 2. Should be back within an hour but if it takes longer can you cover for me while I'm gone?

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    No probs, I can cover, where should I say you are though?

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Thanks. Just say I came back, you saw me, and you think I'm around somewhere?

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    OK.

    Subject: Annoying calls
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    I just had an “I'm so important pr*ck on the line, spoke like I should know who he was, shouted the person he wanted twice (couldn't catch it either time) then had the cheek to leave me hanging while he took another call - that gets to me.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    What d'you do when that happens?

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    I usually hang up on them, or ask them to call back and speak to Holly.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Thanks.

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    My pleasure darlin.

    Subject: What's the name of that girl in EastEnders?
    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    You know, the one who's been in all the trouble recently.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    I don't know, which one?

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    If I knew I wouldn't be asking you now would I? Come on girl, that one who did something with Phil Mitchell. No, I mean The Bill, P.C. something?

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Sorry I can't help.

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    DC June... someone?

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Why d'you want to know anyway?

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Sgt June Akland!!! That was her. See that girl on the couch with the brown hair? Forget it, she's gone now. I'm off to lunch, see ya.

    Subject: IMPORTANT REMINDER
    From Holly
    To Holly

    SOAPS: remember to watch EastEnders and The Bill, oh and buy an alarm clock.

    Subject: Sexy male porn
    From Aisha
    To Holly

    I'm sending you some porn - you'll love it, pic of some guy I was with at the weekend.

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Please don't.

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    I'm sending it.

    xx

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Don't.

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    You'll love it.

    X

    Subject: Psychic Readings
    From StarsFutureWizard
    To Holly

    Dear Holly

    This is the week when a fabulous plethora of opportunities will arise. It's important to know which is the puppy wrapped in a pink bow and which is a wolf draped in sheep's clothing.

    Also, why not take advantage of our Mad March offer on psychic readings? Find out if you're destined for love this March for just $2.99 for 3 mins.

    *The Wizard*

    Subject: HOLLY DENHAM - IMPORTANT
    From James Lawrence
    To Holly

    RE Lunch

    I feel it's important to welcome you properly... What about today?

    From Holly
    To James Lawrence

    James

    Thank you for your kind offer, I'd love to, but lunches are a bit difficult - we can't take the kind of lovely long lunches you chaps do up there,

    sorry.

    Holly

    From James Lawrence
    To Holly

    That's a shame.

    J

    Subject: REMINDER James Lawrence...
    From Holly
    To Holly

    James - wolf or puppy?

    WEEK 2

    TUESDAY
    Subject: Allowances abroad
    From Holly
    To GovernmentCustomsDept

    Dear Sir or Madam

    Can you give me a list of what I can take or can't take when I go abroad to Spain please?

    Thanks.

    Holly

    From GovernmentCustomsDept
    To Holly

    REF: 9222287

    Dear Holly

    If you log on to our website there are details, including the laws governing export and import of goods to EU countries.

    C&E

    From Holly
    To GovernmentCustomsDept

    REF: 9222287

    Dear C&E

    I can't see anywhere on your list any mention of rats and I want to take some to Spain with me. Can you tell me where I stand with this?

    Hols x

    From GovernmentCustomsDept
    To Holly

    Dear Holly

    Assuming you are serious, then the exportation of live animals should be listed there.

    From Holly
    To GovernmentCustomsDept

    Dear C&E

    I am serious, but I intend to take only dead rats (frozen – like popsicles I believe) not the live variety. However, I have no intention of going to prison because of a bunch of dirty rats.

    Hols

    From GovernmentCustomsDept
    To Holly

    Dear Holly

    It might come as a shock to you, but I have never been asked about the exportation of dead rats. But from what I have discovered, the British Government doesn't mind how many dead rats you export, you can take the lot.

    The Spanish Government, however, might be more interested in their arrival. Best to contact the British Embassy in Spain.

    Subject: Help Jason Help!
    From Holly
    To Jason GrangerRM

    I still feel everyone's waiting for me to mess up hugely. Trish is ok with me but I think underneath it all she's just waiting for me to screw up. You know what I need to do... I need to have a party and invite everyone from work.

    What do you think????

    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    Do NOT have an office party, bad idea – remember you have skeletons in the closet

    You picked it up very quickly when you were here, just have some patience.

    xxx

    Subject: Psychic readings, Stars and the Future!
    From StarsFutureWizard
    To Holly

    Stunts can only hurt your performance this week, so remember when ambiguity strikes at the heart of your consciousness, it's only a route to a blueprint that lurks behind mischievous gain, “it's not the time of the moth” says the wizard, so keep one eye on Pluto and you'll know which side your toast is burnt.

    Also, why not take advantage of our Mad March offer on psychic readings? Find out if your destined for love this March for just $2.99 for 3 mins.

    *The Wizard*

    From Holly
    To StarsFutureWizard

    To the Futures Wizard

    What on earth does this mean??? Please explain????

    I don't care about my lurking blueprint, or any wizard's moth, I just want to know if I'm about to lose my job??

    Or whether the guy on the 5th floor really likes me or is just keen to re-house a family of sea urchins?

    Regards

    Holly

    PS Your 3 mins psychic reading was 2 mins 50secs thanking me for calling, then telling me about other offers and 10secs explaining how little chance I had of love unless I stayed on the line and spent more money????

    Did I? No, your wizardness, I did not.

    PPS I didn't use the work phone - this was at home - (in case this is being read by anyone from IT)

    Subject: IMPORTANT QUESTION
    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    What d'you look for in a toilet?

    Charlie

    Club Submission, London

    From Holly
    To Charlie Denham

    I don't look in toilets, Charlie.

    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    What's important for you though?

    From Holly
    To Charlie Denham

    That I don't have conversations about toilets with my brother.

    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    OK, but apart from clean seats and some roll – what else is important for women?

    From Holly
    To Charlie Denham

    Go away Charlie.

    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    Have you told any of your hot receptionist mates that your brother owns a nightclub yet?

    From Holly
    To Charlie Denham

    No, because you don't, you own a building site.

    Holly

    PS we don't all hang out together in some kind of receptionist club, there's me and one other on the desk. That's all

    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    Is she hot?

    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    Are you still there?

    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    What about the sign on the door? Lots of options...

    From Holly
    To Charlie Denham

    Little girls' room - sounds sweet.

    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    I think Rubber Ron has the casting vote, and he's gone for DOMS & SUBS.

    From Holly
    To Charlie Denham

    What on earth does that mean?

    From Charlie Denham
    To Holly

    Who knows? I daren't ask, some kind of kinky thing and that's trendy these days.

    Subject: Totty??? Where is it?
    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Come on, what's it like down there, anything on the horizon?

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    It's manic, loads of meetings going on... what's the big event?

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Graduate recruitment day, fresh young blood, hot young men fresh off the press, cuties in their new suities, bless.

    Why don't you take some pics on your phone and email them up?

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Not too keen, what would happen if I were caught?

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Instant dismissal, probably escorted off the premises.

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    So my mobile stays in my bag. Some of them passing through have absolutely no social skills, they're so arrogant.

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Arrogant and suited. Tell me more!!!

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Ooops, here comes another, got to go.

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Come what, one where? Don't leave me hanging....???

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Sorry, you should have seen him. Yeeeeeees indeedi, should be heading up to the fifth floor about now. Second time I've seen him too.

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    I'm grabbing the lift now, I'm making a B-line, yabadabadoooooooo.

    Subject: Totty??? Where is it?
    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Where'd he go??? He must have sneaked past me, the little bugger. What have they been teaching them at Uni - Ninja Warfare???

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    If they are, then you're in trouble, you'll have to just set up your office in the lift.

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Fine, I'll move into the lift. But get some of them to use the stairs. I'm only one woman you know, I can't be riding it all day.

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    I'm guessing you mean the lift.

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Nope.

    Subject: Membership Approved - Fetish for Everyone!
    From Fetish For Everyone SM
    To Holly

    Dear Holly

    Thank you for your enquiry. We can now confirm you are a member of Fetish For Everyone SM. You will receive our regular updates, newsletter and event notifications.

    Admin

    From Holly
    To Fetish For Everyone SM

    No, no, no. I didn't want to be a member! I only wanted to know what a Sub or a Dom was, that was all I wanted to know. I DO NOT want to be a member, please remove me from the mailing list.

    From Fetish For Everyone SM
    To Holly

    You have reached our automatic reply mailbox. We cannot answer your kinky question. Do not reply to us, you naughty pervert, as you'll only receive this message again and no slap on the wrist (unfortunately).

    Happy spanking!

    Subject: MESSAGE TO MY BROTHER
    From Holly
    To Charlie Denham

    I will kill you later for something...please remind me!

    Subject: Gucci bag lady
    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Is she important?

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Only a bit... that was Mr. Huerst's wife. She acts like butter wouldn't melt, but - I know different.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    What????

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    It's only gossip, anyway I'd keep out of her way.

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Like her boots though.

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    And it's all real, bag too.

    WEDNESDAY
    Subject: Meeting Room Mix-up AGAIN
    From Shella Hamilton-Jones
    To Holly

    Dear Holly

    Oh dear... Would you be so kind as to have a look at the room chart and tell me what you see in room 7 at 5pm?

    Subject: Help Holly - Aisha Needs You!!
    From Aisha
    To Holly

    Morning

    Have you got a minute? I need someone to talk to.... actually if you've got a few minutes that would be more heading in the right direction.

    Aisha xx

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    No, I'm busy

    Subject: Meeting Room Mix-up
    From Holly
    To Shella Hamilton-Jones

    Dear Shella

    Yes, I see Jane Jenkins is booked in for a meeting. Is this OK?

    Kindest regards.

    Holly

    From Shella Hamilton-Jones
    To Holly

    Oh dear Holly,

    Do you not remember our little chat? I really can't believe you didn't bother to make a note of it.

    From Holly
    To Shella Hamilton-Jones

    Yes, I did make a note of it. Jane Jenkins has a preference for room 12.

    From Shella Hamilton-Jones
    To Holly

    Then why if she has a preference for room 12 is Jane Jenkins' name not in room 12?

    From Holly
    To Shella Hamilton-Jones

    Because Mr. Huerst also has a preference for room 12, and I've heard he's quite important.

    From Shella Hamilton-Jones
    To Holly

    Then WHY HAVEN'T YOU PUT HIS NAME IN THE BOX!!!???

    From Holly
    To Shella Hamilton-Jones

    Because he's still standing in front of me, giving me details of the catering facilities he wants.

    Is there a need for capitals? (or are you meant to be shouting?). Feel free to come down and shout if you'd prefer?

    From Shella Hamilton-Jones
    To Holly

    Out of Office AutoReply: Meeting Room Mix-up

    Shella Hamilton-Jones is currently out of the office, please contact Jeremy Anderson in the case of an emergency.

    Subject: Ferret Here Again
    From Ferret
    To Holly

    Hiya there Hollsie

    What time d'you want to see your little friends?

    From Holly
    To Ferret

    Preferably never.

    Subject: URGENT URGENT Quickly Jennie - can you help me please!!!
    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    I think I made a boo boo. One of the MD's PA's Shella got upset with me, so I asked her to come down if she had a problem, now she's out of the office? I hope she's not actually coming down!

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    I'm sure she is going down, but you won't want her to. Try not to mix it with her, she's a bit of a rockweller, or rottweiler (not sure of spelling) but sure you get the message. She's like one of those big scary vicious dogs with the German names. Anyway love “made a boo boo” got to use it more instead of “I f*cked up”. I'm sure my boss would appreciate the change.

    Subject: HELP Trish - it's urgent
    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Trish

    Should I be worried? I think Shella is on her way down to have a go at me.

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Sh*t!

    What did you do to get her attention? I suggest you hide.

    Subject: Sunday beers - your place
    From Ferret
    To Holly

    What about Sunday? And we can kick back and sink some bevies together (I've a few urban battle stories of my own to share).

    Ferret x

    Chairman Mow once said “Free the force”.

    From Holly
    To Ferret

    Sounds great.

    Subject: Matthew McConaughey or a Mark Ruffalo?
    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Any hunks on the horizon?

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Possibly Jennie, what d'you think of the swampy type?

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    What - the type that are over-affectionate and cling?

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    No, the type that have strong political views and like to burrow?

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Sounds good, put me down for two.

    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    By the way, I was thinking of having a dinner party on Saturday. You know, just a few friends around, nothing special. Do you fancy it? I thought it would give us a chance to catch up on old times?

    Holly

    From Jennie Pithwait
    To Holly

    Too right, a dinner do round at Hols in “maida boo boo” couldn't turn it down.

    Subject: Reception Problems
    From Shella Hamilton-Jones
    To Holly; Roger Lipton

    Dear Holly Denham & Roger Lipton

    I've included you on this email too Roger, because I feel our new receptionist isn't quite grasping how we operate here.

    I knew it wouldn't be an easy transition for her; making the step up into the corporate world, but there are a few things she needs to learn quickly.

    Holly mentioned to me that perhaps I would be better coming down to shout at her if something went wrong and I'd like to just point out that this is not how employees at Huerst and Wright like to operate. Every person in this building tries to pull together as a team. This is something she needs to understand, communication is the key to success.

    Maybe Holly could perhaps benefit from a training course on her communication skills and the booking of meeting rooms, just to get her up to speed. Holly has great potential, but a long way to go and I would like to offer my assistance to ensure her rapid progressions.

    Yours truly

    Shella

    Subject: Extreme Weight Busters
    From ExtremeWeightBusters.com
    To Holly

    Standard Course

    Remember:

    If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, it could be because mountains are big and heavy and don't move much.

    Today's menu:

    Breakfast - Nothing

    Lunch - Chicken breast, on rice biscuits

    Dinner - One of our special “I'm a fatty” no-fat drinks (available online)

    Night Snack - Banana

    Subject: Extreme Weight Busters
    From ExtremeWeightBusters.com
    To Holly

    We are sorry you have cancelled your free trial membership of ExtremeWeightBusters.com.

    We wish you all the success in the future with your weight problem.

    Subject: Dinner at mine
    From Holly
    To Jennie Pithwait

    Dinner definitely on.

    Holly

    Subject: Quick break
    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Hi,

    I'm really sorry Trish, but can I go for a toilet break again?

    Holly

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Of course you can sweetheart, you look white as a sheet - you OK?

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    I'm fine.

    Hols

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    Is it about that email from Shella?

    From Holly
    To Patricia Gillot

    Sorry Trish.

    From Patricia Gillot
    To Holly

    You don't have to apologise, you're in a bad way aren't you? Stay there, I'll get someone from facilities to cover the switch while you tell your aunty Trish all about it.

    x

    Subject: Saturday
    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Are you still on for Saturday?

    From Aisha
    To Holly

    Hiya sweetie, of course! I'll bring bubbles - are you cooking?

    xxxxx

    From Holly
    To Aisha

    Of course, I've been preparing it all week, so don't be eating before you come!

    Holly

    x

    Subject: Sophisticated Dinner
    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    VERY VERY DODGY, HUGE MISTAKE, DO NOT HAVE A PARTY.

    Sorry I can't come, I've got a shift that night.

    Can't believe you're partying with colleagues, cancel it fast.

    From Holly
    To Jason GrangerRM

    Why is it dodgy, why can't I?

    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    RULE 1

    Never get drunk with “work people”, ESPECIALLY ex-school mates who are now “work people” EVER EVER EVER (except if forced, at the Christmas party, but it's still wrong).

    From Holly
    To Jason GrangerRM

    OK but I don't intend to drink, so that's not a problem is it.

    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    RULE 2

    Never under any circumstances invite “work people” into your home. It's like offering a bunch of hungry cannibals your naked body on a plate and asking them to choose from a selection of forks.

    The people you think are your friends will be running around your flat, picking up evidence they can use against you. Skeletons in the closet... porn on the computer... really it's endless...

    Stop before it's too late...

    From Holly
    To Jason GrangerRM

    I don't have any skeletons or porn??

    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    Skeletons.. oh yes yes yes you do... and you know it...

    Porn - what about that naked strumpet you've got hanging up in the hall???!

    From Holly
    To Jason GrangerRM

    That's an oil painting of my granny!

    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    Really?? Saucy minx...

    Anyway, you're an open book as it is.

    But, your flat is a library... and you'll be judged from one glance inside your bathroom cabinet - and a sniff of that basket in the hall!!

    From Holly
    To Jason GrangerRM

    What's wrong with that basket in my hall??

    From Jason GrangerRM
    To Holly

    It stinks, for heaven’s sake do some washing, anyway, got to go, love you hugely. BUT STOP THAT PARTY!!!

    EBOOK NOW AVAILABLE
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